Of Rainy days and Memories

I’m alone again, trapped in my own hollow world. The lights are out, enveloped by the static drift of darkness. The cool air encircling the entirety of the room. Combined with the infinite drizzle amounting to the peculiar feeling of absurdity. My mind abounds with a carousel of thoughts. Aching for comfort, seeking for answers. I am now enjoying a free pass to memory lane once more. And then it struck me, I was thinking of the very same person all over. Rainy days, oh, rainy days! When will you ever end?

You are everything I ever hated. You’re trying to be good but you’re not. You try to impress me but you can’t. You exude that confidence that I can’t seem to bear. You think your pretty, for some ungodly reasons, I’ll agree. But that doesn’t discount the fact that you’re still a brat clothe on angel’s garb. Or so I thought.

Maybe, I was just that hypocrite to admit you had me at the very first moment. You had me with that annoyingly sweet, big smile. You had me with that infuriatingly cute ponytail, bobbing up and down as you pass me by. You had me from the very words you speak to every actions you take. Yes, you had me a whole lot. Too bad, I fell prey to the scheming little devil that you are.

You have had my world shaken. You have had my reasons obscure. That even the littlest intellect that I have had been found futile. I was overly dim- witted that I chose to stake my own cards. I never thought of the circumstance, and even if I had, there’s no point turning back.
You deemed me as a challenge. A barricade you need to hurdle. You plunged into my once unflustered being. Enclosed me into a mock world staged to make me better. Enabled me to overcome my own frailty. Was I really valued or just a mere trophy to boost your own self- worth?

And then it dawned at me, you consumed me with those guilt- powered ploy that I just can’t beg off. I was triggered with the frequent clashes that caused my own insecurities to swallow me. But the big thud came when you got tired and chose to explore your options. Why, am I not worth more than just an option? I was so enslaved that I was crushed, eventually, by the ultimate bitter doom.

Now heading away from the remains of what was then believed a blissful abyss. A dismal failure of said promises and assumed reveries. Stuck into the unfulfilled trance of a dangerous proposition. I know we have forged memories that still pain our unhealed scars.

How would I ever forget? But then again, I can’t stop the rain from falling. I also can’t help myself ponder unto memories. That is why I hate rainy days. The downpour just keeps on crippling me back into insanity. The downpour that made a pallid pool of fallacy. The very downpour that drowned me.

*******
There will always be that someone who will pass by our lives and leave footprints in our hearts. Footprints that neither time nor distance can’t break.
Excuse the mushiness; excuse the “ka- cornyhan”.
It comes without notice, it goes away without goodbye. Or maybe I was that afraid of saying goodbye, holding back the thought of letting go.